The McDonald’s PlayPlace Prayer

(I wrote this a few years ago when my boys were really small and EVEN MORE full of unbridled ENERGY. It was not yet baseball season, Blake was working late and it was snowing. To get out of the house, I took the boys to Mickey D’s. Sorry its irreverent. Don’t judge me.)

The Lord is my sanity, I shall not yell.
I brought this on myself by agreeing to go to the PlayPlace.
He leads my eyes past trodden fries.
He leadeth me away from sticky seats.
He silences the deafening squeals.
He squelches the occasional unidentifiable aroma.
He makes me sit down and breathe.
He keepeth me from punching that mom in her throat.
(Seriously, HOW MANY TIMES can she say “HUD-sonnnnnnnnnnnn….HUD sonnnnnnnnnn!!!“ ?????)
Yea though I am standing in the tenth circle of HELL,
I will fear no toddler.
Or ketchup.
Or flying McNugget.
This Wi-Fi and this Diet Coke,
they comfort me.
In my mind I prepare a bed before me….
in the presence of NOBODY!!!!!!
(Ya hear that??? NOBODY!!!)
That Mickey D’s tea runneth over.
BUT…. Not my kid. Not my problem.
Surely a prescription for Xanax will follow me
all the days of my life
or I will dwell in this state of insanity forever.
Lord help me. For real.
Can’t wait for Spring. AMEN.

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